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I loved you, love you and will always love you more than anything.Laura


You came into my life the 15th of may 2011, few days before my birthday and barely 2 months after you were born.

The moment I saw you I knew you were the one. I knew you'd become my baby, my best friend, I could see it in your smile and your wagging tail when you stared at me.

It was hard introducing you to our 2 dogs, but your funny and kind personality made Brown and Tersie fall in love with you within minutes.

You grew up healthy, playing and "fighting" with Brown, who was like your boxer daddy. Tersie was like a grandad, never really played but he made sure to take good care of you.

One day life hit us hard, our front door broke and got open wide in the middle of the night, so Brown, who was the wildest of all our angels, decided to run away and explore. I tried my best to find your daddy, spent half a year walking, driving, trying to get him back, screamed his name everywhere I went to, but we never found him. That was my first heartbreak.

You stayed with Tersie for 3 more years, then he sarted getting really ill and weak because of his age (he was 18 years old!). After multiple vet visits, they said the best we could do was putting him to sleep as he had lived a long and happy life. The second heartbreak happened then.

I think losing Tersie was very hard for you, you spent few months crying near my room, asking for cuddles, sleeping in his spot. I was so upset and scared, I didn't know if you'd ever be happy again.

Years passed, we never got any other dog after losing our little grandpa, so you were the only little angel I had left. Dad started getting sick, and I got very sick with depression and anxiety because of it. I thought there was no way outta there, all I did was crying, raging, blaming myself for everything. But you always were there for me, you always knew when to come to put your paw on my foot. You always knew when to fart to make me smile. You genuinely knew how to make me happy. You saved me, in so many ways, I can't even describe it. I had lost myself and you helped me get up every single time, and for that I'll always be grateful and thankful.

During spring 2018, when you were 7 years old, you started losing some fur, started drinking and eating so much, and we felt your belly was getting very big. I also noticed you were sad and not moving/barking much. I knew it wasn't normal, so we took you to the vet. It took them months to find out you had Cushing syndrome, something I had never heard of before on animals.
They gave us medicines for you and discarded tumours, but still told us we should be careful and check on you regularly.

Medicine worked wonders for few months, maybe half a year. You seemed happy again, barked at the postman every day, ran and played with me in the garden like you always used to do.

But during spring 2019 you started getting worse. Just when I thought we had you under control and fine, life hit me once again. You went back to being sadder and less active, everyone told me it was "aging problems".

One night, the 28th of june 2019, I went downstairs to check on you. I got really scared. You were roaming around in circles like disorientated, you didn't respond to my calls, and got shocked when you finally saw me. I didn't know what was going on, so I stayed with you.
I tried to make you lay down on your blanket because you seemed very tired, but you couldn't. I started panicking, I didn't know why you wouldn't sit or lay down.
Then, after half an hour, you just collapsed in front of me, your back legs just stopped working and you fell down, hitting your head on the floor.
I couldn't believe it, I got up and screamed, you opened your eyes as if you had just lost consciousness. I called my mum crying, you couldn't even get up, you were so tired you just stayed on the floor staring at me cry for 2 hours.
I called the emergency vet and he came home, took some blood samples and checked on his eyes, then said it could be something wrong with his liver that was causing the neurological issues. He left and called me after 3 hours when blood tests were done.
All was fine, incredibly fine considering your physical state. He still suggested me to check on you for the weekend and to bring you to the vet on monday, so I did that.

I spent the whole weekend taking care of you, checking on you every hour, helping you to sit down and lay down, helping you eat and drink, reminding you to pee and poo even when you barely had strength to walk to the garden.
I felt so helpless, so useless, I wanted with all my heart to help you and make you better, wishing that monday would bring us some light and positivity.

On monday we took you to the vet and they did an ultrasound. All your organs were fine, your liver, your kidneys, your stomach, your bladder. Everything was looking good except for the adrenal glands. They were twice as big as they should be.
The vet told us that the only reason for that to be happening was having a brain tumour that was sending orders to those glands to produce more cortisone than you needed. That tumour was making you do all that roaming, it was making you forget about eating, drinking and laying down.
It was because of the Cushing syndrome. You had developed a brain tumour and it had grown too big.
The vet told us there was nothing they could do, as brain tumours "might" be treated with cortisone. But the cortisone overdose from the Cushing disease was already kmaking you way too ill.

My heart stopped. I stared at you while on the ultrasound table and you stared at me. You stared at me with those eyes, confused, like having no idea of what was going on around you and who those people were.
My heart broke in that moment. Mum and I talked and decided we didn't want you to suffer anymore, as it would get even worse. The vet came with the papers and I had to sign them myself, as mum didn't want to be present in the room.
I cried, I cried so much while signing that paper, signing your death agreement. You kept looking at me and you looked so calm. I had never felt so much pain in my life before. I was about to lose my baby.

The moment came, i held your left paw as your right one was being held by the vet who was going to put you to sleep. I cried more, I saw the syringe popping in and I stared at you one last time, I stared deep into your eyes and told you how much I loved you. I kissed your little nose and in that moment you closed your eyes and stopped breathing. My third and biggest ever heartbreak happened right there. And I felt my happiness just flew away with you.

You passed away by my side as I held you, as I kissed you. And in a matter of seconds I realised I had just lost my baby forever. I would never see you ever again, I would never get to play with you, touch you, hear you.

My heart broke even more the moment I had to leave that room, seeing your little body on that table, having to let go of you. I didn't want to. At all. I wanted to bring you home, alive and healthy. But I knew that wasn't possible anymore.

Now my house and my garden are empty, just like my heart. I know you're not hurting anymore, you're not in pain anymore and you're probably back with Brown and Tersie, but I don't want to accept it. I want my baby back. It's been only 2 days since you've bee gone and it hurts like hell, like they just ripped my whole heart off my chest.

The most beautiful and powerful thunder of them all crossed the rainbow bridge on the 1st of july 2019, at 6pm.

Oh Thor, how I miss you. I just want to see you again, feel you again, play with you again, hear you again.

You saved my life when I met you, I just wish I could have done the same for you baby.

You'll never be forgotten, you'll always be loved.

I love you so much baby. My heart is broken, I am broken.

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